Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
