Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
