I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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