Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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