If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The beer is more important than you right now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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