Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize