thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
