i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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