what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
