the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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