My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
