Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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