Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My vagina just recognized that song.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
