I puked a lego.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
