SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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