So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
