i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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