Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
