I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I smell like Dick and happiness
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
