just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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