the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
