guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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