The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
