guys are not supposed to queef...right?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
