and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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