Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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