I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
i now understand why vodka
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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