Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
God, I missed his penis.
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