My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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