Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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