Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
