Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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