mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
