k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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