he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
