We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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