Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
