all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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