who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
