is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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