Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
