I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
