I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
