so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
