Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Randomize
