I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
