Banned from zoo.
Again?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
