"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
