You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
