i think i have two assholes
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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