He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
