What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize