True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
