im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
