Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
