party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I woke up under a house in Key West
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
