I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
