I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
ttyl tear gas
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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