He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
