You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
