i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
how does that bad decision feel?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
