Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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