You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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