just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
