did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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