while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
