you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
