and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
