Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize