is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
