is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
