Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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