We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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