im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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