I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
