I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
