She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
