Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
My life is pants optional.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
