i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
