I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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