would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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