a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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