I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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