i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
