stop calling my apartment porn island.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
