Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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