So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
