all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just gift wrapped bread.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
