I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
