So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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