Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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