All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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