Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
