im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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