we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
