drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
