There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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