What a fucking waste of an outfit
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
