had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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