he told me I talked like a deaf person
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize