Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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