My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
