I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
