sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
