Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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