you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
