the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
