it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
