what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
